Game of Thrones Review: Season 6 Episode 7

In the Game of Thrones, there are no winners; there are only not losers. What makes you a not loser? Keeping your head attached to your neck or, alternatively, the Red God zombie-tizes you (in a good way; R'hllor for the win). This week Sandor Clegane joined the ranks of the not losers by -- drum roll -- surviving a serious Brienne beating.

But, incredibly, that was only one of twelve million really exciting things that happened during this episode. I saw some people online describe this as a building episode or a "setting up" episode, but I found it to be just as exciting as every other episode. Let's get into it.

Favorite Moments:

The Bear and the Maiden Fair Lyanna Mormont, Child Warrior Extraordinaire: Before we go any further, could we all take a moment to acknowledge the real MVP this week: Lyanna Mormont, AKA the Bear Boss. I feel like I say this all the time, but I have a new favorite character, and her name is Lyanna Mormont. Her scene was so great. She may be small, but she has got some serious SASS. I love how she was just like "yeah, yeah enough with the small talk, what do you want?".She's rather like her House and her army: small, but proud. Plus, she's right up there with Ramsay Bolton for greatest letter writers ever. Readers of the books will remember Lyanna Mormont's awesome letter in A Dance with Dragons (I think it was in the show too): "Bear Island knows no king but the King in the North, whose name is STARK." Bam! How about that loyalty. I loved her line this episode: "House Mormont has kept faith with House Stark for 1,000 years. We will not break faith today." Okay, so House Mormont is officially the new best house ever, who's with me?

Blackfish is Back, and He's Not Backing Down: Speaking of new favorite characters (JK, I've been in love with the Blackfish for a while), Brynden "The Blackfish" Tully is back and he's not playing games (ironically). This episode, he basically just showed Jaime Lannister the pimp hand and said "you want Riverrun? Try to take it." He's not interested in negotiations. He's not interested in his nephew. He's not interested in threats. He's interested in WINNING. I loved that he told Jaime to his face that he wasn't impressed with him and that he was only talking to him because sieges are boring. Do you know what that is? That's a win. And, apparently, he's in it for the long haul: "We have enough provisions for two years. Do you have two years, Kingslayer?" My guess would be no because  the show only has two more seasons to go, but that was ICE COLD. In true underdog fashion, Blackfish is one-upping everyone this season.

You Call this an Army?: Speaking of other characters that we haven't seen for a while, Bronn is back! That's right, the lovable sell sword who will kill you as soon as look at you and insult you to your face is back!  Apparently, he hasn't gotten his castle and noble wife yet, but here's to hoping that the Lannisters really do pay their debts. The Jaime/ Bronn team up was one of the highlights of last season, so I look forward to many more jabs and insults between Bronn and the Kingslayer. So far, he's off to a good start. I loved that Jaime and Bronn teamed up to whip the Frey army into shape (also, 10 points to the Freys for being so pathetic; it was a joy to watch). Their bullying of the Freys was more than admirable, it was majestic. Also, plus 15 points to Jaime for replicating the Tyrion slap so beautifuelly. I didn't pay attention to weather or not he used his golden hand, but, seriously, what is the use of having a metal hand if you can't whack people with it.

Wait, was Ian McShane on Game of Thrones for 10 Seconds?: Wait Ian McShane is on Game of Thrones? Wait, he's playing Septon Meribald? Wait, he's dead??? Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Anyone who's too happy and peaceful on Game of Thrones obviously must be killed.

He's Big and Tough to Kill!: THE HOUND IS BACK! THE HOUND IS BACK! The Cleganebowl is looking like a reality! *Gasp*. Honestly, I think everyone -- including me -- suspected that he wasn't dead, but it's nice to have him back again. Now all we need is Gendry and everyone will be present and accounted for.

"We're not clever like you Southerners": This week, Jon and Sansa tried their hand at primaries and caucuses, but all of the super delegates were already committed. Oh well, they'll switch their votes when they see which way the dragon is flying. Fortunately, House Stark has the Wildlings on their side ("We're not clever like you Southerners. When we say we'll do something, we do it."), and let's not forget Wun-Wun the Giant ("Snow"). Even though they're still outmatched, my money is on the Starks and their army from beyond the wall to kill Ramsay and put an end to his maniacal letter writing.

"I wonder if you're the worst person I've ever met": The Queen of Thorns certainly perked up after she learned that Margaery was not, in fact, a mindless religious zealot -- just in time for her to land some serious burns on Cersei. I really appreciated her class A insults: "I wonder if you're the worst person I've ever met. At a certain age it's hard to recall." Plus, her jabs at Septa Unella were priceless (also, could someone kill her already??). Well, Lady Olenna is certainly a thorn in everyone's side (get it?).

Least Favorite Moments: 

Never Trust Littlefinger: You all know that I love Sansa and that she's one of my favorite characters, but sometimes she makes it hard. WHY ARE YOU WRITING TO LITTLEFINGER?????? WHY? Sometimes I just want to grab her and shake her. At the very least, she should tell Jon what she's doing. Why does she trust Littlefinger more than Jon? It's idiotic. If there's one thing I know for sure it's never trust Littlefinger (oh, and lemon cakes are awesome). 

Is Margaery a Pilgrim or the Queen: Normally, I like it when characters change their look around, but Margaery's new dress in this episode was absolutely horrendous. Who designed it? Septa Unella? (Actually, she probably did). Anyway, Margaery looks like a cross between a five year old in a sailor suit and a first  grader performing in a first Thanksgiving pageant. She used to be so chic!

Yara Greyjoy Believes in Tough Love: In a scene full of gratuitous nudity for no reason, it was revealed this week that Theon Greyjoy should either buck up or die. Preferably the former. Unfortunately, I can't bring myself to care about the Greyjoy plot. It all seems so click-bait-y to me. It's as if the showrunners are trying to be like: Will Dany and Yara hook up? Will Euron Greyjoy beat her to it? Tune in next week. What they didn't count on is that no one cares at all. Snooze. Wake me up when they get to Meereen. 

You Know Nothing, Arya Stark: Okay, would someone like to explain to me why, while all the Faceless Men are out looking for her, Arya is skipping around Braavos like she's still in season 1? Did she think the Faceless Men weren't going to notice that she didn't kill the person she was supposed to? Or, is she really that stupid? I mean, hasn't she seen Snow White? Never let the creepy old woman sweet talk you!!! I mean, she might as well have taken a bite from a poison apple. I assume she's going to live because they've invested too much story in her to let her die, but her blundering idiocy was painful to watch in this episode...Almost as painful as getting stabbed in the stomach by someone named the Waif (seriously, what happened to Brittany or Ashley?). 

The Brotherhood without Manners: If there's a plot I like less than the Greyjoys and Arya, it's the Brotherhood without Banners storyline. I thought we were done with this! Why are we not done with this? And why did they kill Ian McShane and his merry men for no reason? Isn't Beric Dondarrion supposed to be a good guy? Whatever, I can't summon the energy to care.

Things I'm Looking Forward To:

Where is Tyrion?: I think it's been two episodes since we've seen Tyrion. Where is he? Is he drinking wine? I hope we find out in the next episode.

Cleganebowl: As I said before, the Hound's return means that the Cleganebowl is now very possible. If you don't know what the Cleganebowl is, you know nothing, Jon Snow.

Valar dohaeris