Game of Thrones Review: Season 7 Episode 6
Guys, this episode was A LOT. It was almost too much. It was a lot to take in. Just a lot. Like, I had some issues with this episode, which I'm going to go into later, but you can't fault this episode for not being eventful. It was pleanty eventful. I mean, there was a zombie polar bear and a zombie dragon. It doesn't get much more eventful than that.
We start off with Jon's Dream Team (Magnificent Seven? Suicide Squad? Pick the right nickname) tramping through the snow as they cheerfully go in search of a zombie to capture. Dude. No group of people has ever been less concerned about embarking on a mission that is probably going to get them all killed. And, when I say probably, I mean that there's a 95% chance. Also, did I miss the scene where they talked over their plan? At least, I assume they made a plan before they embarked on this suicide mission. But I don't really care about this because, instead of doom and gloom and conversations about strategies, we got some amazing banter. I mean it was GOLD. This episode was made of great line.
For example, we learn a new word: whinging. As in, "stop your whinging; this one's died six times; you don't see him whinging." Gah! I love the word whinging and I love the Hound, even if he doesn't think gingers are beautiful. Even though I love the Hound, I have to say that I'm kind of Gendry's side in this case. I mean, if someone sold me to a witch that wanted to murder me, I'd probably whinge too.
While all this is going on, Jon and Jorah have a somewhat awkward, somewhat touch heart to heart, during which Jon tries to return the Mormont family sword to Jorah (I notice that he didn't try to give it to Lyanna). Basically, the subtext here is "sorry that your dad liked me so much more than he liked you." Fortunately, Jorah has had pleanty of time to grow accustomed to the idea that he was a disappointment to his father, and he lets Jon keep the sword. Jorah advises Jon to pass it down to his children some day, which makes Jon look very sad and serious (more so than usual).
Babies were on everyone's mind this episode. Tormund talked about breeding a race of world conquering monsters with Brienne and Dany talked about how the dragons are the only children she'll ever have. I don't know about you, but I think Jon would be a great dad. Plus, he has all sorts of scary stories to tell the kids at bedtime. Of course, Jon might not be able to father children. I mean, he was dead for a significant amount of time; that can't be good for your sperm count.
Next, we zoom down to Winterfell where Arya and Sansa still haven't figured out that Littlefinger is an manipulative, weirdo with a strangely pointy face who is trying to break them apart. Arya tells Sansa a long--and seemingly pointless--story about how their father was okay with her breaking the rules because he let her learn archery. Hmmm. Somehow I still think that Ned wouldn't have approved of his daughter becoming a master assassin. But, hey, what do I know?
Anyway, Arya goes on to confront Sansa about a letter, which urged Robb to bend the knee to Joffrey, that Sansa wrote six years ago. Arya basically claims that Sansa betrayed the family and that Sansa can't be trusted. Excuse me while I roll my eyes at this.
This may anger some people, but I'm tottally on Sansa's side here. That letter was the Game of Thrones equivalent of a hostage video. Everyone in the modern world knows that, when you see a video of someone surrounded by terrorists with AKs, that person is not speaking off the cuff. However, even though Arya is very street smart, she's not necessarily knowledgeable about politics or negotiation. If it was up to Arya, she would have already executed half the lords in the North for criticizing Jon's hair.
In any case, this sister-against-sister plot line is getting a bit old, and I hope we're done with it by the end of the season.
Next, we return to Jon's suicide squad, which is still tramping north through the snow. This time, we're talking about Tormund's unrequited love for Brienne of Tarth. Tormund says that he wants to make monster babies with Brienne, which I'm totally down with. I'd like to see Brienne and Jaime together, but, if I'm being real, a relationship with Tormund probably makes more sense. However, Brienne has been friend-zoning Tormund, so we'll probably have to wait a while for those world conquering, giant, sword-fighting babies.
Beric and Jon also have a faux-philosophical conversation about what it's like to be dead and what their purpose in life is. I'm not a huge fan of these sorts of conversations on television shows, so I sort of glazed over this part of the episode, but the gist seemed to be that Jon and Beric should try to keep other people alive. I think that's the point of this whole quest to capture a white walker, so mission accomplished there.
Next, we pop down to Dragonstone, where Dany compliments Tyrion on not being a hero (Jon is going to "be a hero" later in this episode, and it's not going to work out well for him). Tyrion is a little offended, but I agree with Dany on this one. It's better to live to fight another day than to die stupidly (Dickon Tarly was not avalible to comment).
Tyrion also asks Dany if she likes Jon (you know, like likes him *wink*). Dany replies that Jon is "to little" for her. Like, what???!! This is one of the least sensical lines in the show for a while. First of all, it's an insensitive thing to say to Tyrion (which she seems to realize), and, secondly, I'm not even sure what she means in regards to Jon. Is she saying he's too "little" mentally or emotionally? As in, Jon Snow is small minded. Or, is she saying he isn't powerful enough for her? That doesn't make much sense, as he's KING IN THE NORTH! She could also be saying that he's too short, which, again, is not really true. Kit Harington is 5' 8", according to Google, so he's 6 inches taller than Daenerys (AKA Emilia Clarke). He's not the tallest man on Earth (or whatever planet Westros is on), but he's not short, especially compared to Dany. Anyway, it's all clearly a lie because she's obviously super into him. How could you not be?
I'm going to go out on a limb and declare the next scene the best thing I've seen on television in a long time: ZOMBIE. POLAR. BEAR. If I was a cooler person, I would respond to this scene with the following phrase: Yas Kween! I didn't know I needed a zombie polar bear. I didn't know I wanted a zombie polar bear, but the minute I saw that rotting member of the ursidae family tear into Thoros' flesh, I knew that all was right with the world. Don't let anyone tell you differently, that was a fantastic scene.
Next we return to Winterfell, where Sansa and Littlefinger have a quick exchange about what to do about Arya. Spoiler: their conclusion is "not much." Of course, Littlefinger acts like he has no idea where the letter came from. No one (including Sansa, hopefully) is believing his innocent act anymore than the Hound believes Thoros' man bun.
Next, we're back beyond the wall, and there's finally some action going on! Jon and his merry men conveniently stumble upon a small group of wights and a White Walker. Jon kills the White Walker (snaps for Jon), which causes all the wights except one to *die* again. They quickly tie up this wight, but, in a totally foreseeable turn of events, the rest of the Army of the Dead is right around the corner, and they have to make a dash for it. Raise your hand if you saw that coming. #OneOfTheProblemsIHaveWithThisEpisode.
Anyway, Jon has the foresight to send Gendry ahead with a message for Daenerys. Of course, in real life, this message shouldn't reach Daenerys in time, but, remember that time means nothing on this show anymore, and let it go.
Jon and his crew end up trapped on a tiny island in the middle of a frozen lake surrounded by zombies on all sides. The zombies have the advantage in this situation. They can either wait for the ice to freeze enough to support their weight and then tear Jon and Co. limb from limb, or they can just wait for them to freeze to death and join the army. So, all in all, it's a win win for team dead.
Next, back in Winterfell Sansa sends Brienne to some mysterious meeting in King's Landing that Sansa has been invited to. Persumably, this is the meeting during which Jon and Dany are going to present their captive wight. But, in reality, this is just a way for the show runners to write some more scenes between Brienne and Jaime. #IShipThemSoHard
Somehow, Gendry's note has already reached Dragonstone because, in the next scene, we see Dany hoping on board Drogon in some winter inspired couture. The main point of this scene is to show off how fierce Dany looks (she and Sansa should launch a fashion line together). Oh yeah, and time still has no meaning on this show. Whatever.
Now, we get to the really big scene of the show, which, as it happens, is not the really big scene of the show. The Hound--very stupidly--throws a rock across the ice at the wights. This indadvertedly demonstrates that the ice is hard enough to walk on (oops), so the wights precede to attack. We are treated to an epic battle scene, which all of the main characters somehow survive (in a very unconvincing manner, I might add).
All seems to be lost, and the sad music is playing when, all of the sudden, who should arrive but Dany on Drogon's back. Score 1 for Team Targaryen, 0 for the White Walkers. Now, all should be unicorns and rainbows at this point, and our heroes should all sail away on the back of a dragon with smiles in their hearts and a captive wight on a dragon spike. However, Jon Snow decides to be a hero and ruins everything.
For some inexplicable reason, Jon chooses to move further and further away from the dragon that is going to save his life, in order to not kill like four more wights. Okay...because that makes sense. Ostensibly, he's showing off to Daenerys that he can handle his sword, but really he's just demonstrating that--as much as we all love Jon Snow--thinking isn't always his strong point. Jon's delay tactics give the White Walkers pleanty of time to kill one of Daenerys' dragons. That's right, Viserion is dead. I know that a lot of people predicted that something like this was going to happen, but that didn't prepare me for it. My reaction was more or less like this guy's.
In another fit of stupidity, Jon tells Daenerys to leave him to die. (You're the King in the North, why do you have no conception of your responsibilities!!). Anyway, in Jaime-esque fashion, Jon goes into the water, presumably dead (but, of course, he can't be dead because he's JON SNOW, c'mon).
Meanwhile, back in Winterfell, Sansa discovers Arya's incredibly creepy bag of faces. I'm not about this life, fam. This scene between Arya and Sansa made me so anxious I could barely watch it. I was convinced that this was the end for Sansa. I was sure that Arya was going to take her face, but, fortunately, the Lady of Winterfell will live to rule another day. Again, I'm sick of the creepiness in this plot. I just can't anymore. Can Sansa and Arya just band together and kill Littlefinger and call it a day?
Okay. We've finally reached the best and most important scene in the episode (besides the zombie polar bear, you all know how I felt about that): the sweetest, most heart-melting scene ever between Jon and Daenerys.
There was handholding. There was crying (side note, I think this is the first time we've ever seen Dany cry; the fact that she lets herself cry in front of Jon really says something). There was shirtless Kit Harington, which is too much of a rarity on this show. I mean, c'mon show runners, have you seen his abs? Why aren't Kit Harington's abs the star of every episode. Jon huskily whispers Daenerys' childhood nickname (which she isn't super jazzed about, but I think it's cute) and *finally* bends the knee and acknowledges her as queen.
I was sure they were going to kiss and get it on, but apparently we're going to have to wait for the finale for all of that. Life isn't fair sometimes.
Anyway, in a scene that everyone who saw the dead dragon go into the lake saw coming, the White Walkers reanimate Viserion's lifeless corpse. (Side note: where did they get the chains? Does anyone know). Anyway, it's starting to look like a fair fight, and I'm 5000% sure that Viserion's ice flames are going to bring down the wall in the next episode, but we're going to have to wait for the season finale to find out.
Valar Dohaeris.
We start off with Jon's Dream Team (Magnificent Seven? Suicide Squad? Pick the right nickname) tramping through the snow as they cheerfully go in search of a zombie to capture. Dude. No group of people has ever been less concerned about embarking on a mission that is probably going to get them all killed. And, when I say probably, I mean that there's a 95% chance. Also, did I miss the scene where they talked over their plan? At least, I assume they made a plan before they embarked on this suicide mission. But I don't really care about this because, instead of doom and gloom and conversations about strategies, we got some amazing banter. I mean it was GOLD. This episode was made of great line.
For example, we learn a new word: whinging. As in, "stop your whinging; this one's died six times; you don't see him whinging." Gah! I love the word whinging and I love the Hound, even if he doesn't think gingers are beautiful. Even though I love the Hound, I have to say that I'm kind of Gendry's side in this case. I mean, if someone sold me to a witch that wanted to murder me, I'd probably whinge too.
While all this is going on, Jon and Jorah have a somewhat awkward, somewhat touch heart to heart, during which Jon tries to return the Mormont family sword to Jorah (I notice that he didn't try to give it to Lyanna). Basically, the subtext here is "sorry that your dad liked me so much more than he liked you." Fortunately, Jorah has had pleanty of time to grow accustomed to the idea that he was a disappointment to his father, and he lets Jon keep the sword. Jorah advises Jon to pass it down to his children some day, which makes Jon look very sad and serious (more so than usual).
Babies were on everyone's mind this episode. Tormund talked about breeding a race of world conquering monsters with Brienne and Dany talked about how the dragons are the only children she'll ever have. I don't know about you, but I think Jon would be a great dad. Plus, he has all sorts of scary stories to tell the kids at bedtime. Of course, Jon might not be able to father children. I mean, he was dead for a significant amount of time; that can't be good for your sperm count.
Next, we zoom down to Winterfell where Arya and Sansa still haven't figured out that Littlefinger is an manipulative, weirdo with a strangely pointy face who is trying to break them apart. Arya tells Sansa a long--and seemingly pointless--story about how their father was okay with her breaking the rules because he let her learn archery. Hmmm. Somehow I still think that Ned wouldn't have approved of his daughter becoming a master assassin. But, hey, what do I know?
Anyway, Arya goes on to confront Sansa about a letter, which urged Robb to bend the knee to Joffrey, that Sansa wrote six years ago. Arya basically claims that Sansa betrayed the family and that Sansa can't be trusted. Excuse me while I roll my eyes at this.
This may anger some people, but I'm tottally on Sansa's side here. That letter was the Game of Thrones equivalent of a hostage video. Everyone in the modern world knows that, when you see a video of someone surrounded by terrorists with AKs, that person is not speaking off the cuff. However, even though Arya is very street smart, she's not necessarily knowledgeable about politics or negotiation. If it was up to Arya, she would have already executed half the lords in the North for criticizing Jon's hair.
In any case, this sister-against-sister plot line is getting a bit old, and I hope we're done with it by the end of the season.
Next, we return to Jon's suicide squad, which is still tramping north through the snow. This time, we're talking about Tormund's unrequited love for Brienne of Tarth. Tormund says that he wants to make monster babies with Brienne, which I'm totally down with. I'd like to see Brienne and Jaime together, but, if I'm being real, a relationship with Tormund probably makes more sense. However, Brienne has been friend-zoning Tormund, so we'll probably have to wait a while for those world conquering, giant, sword-fighting babies.
Beric and Jon also have a faux-philosophical conversation about what it's like to be dead and what their purpose in life is. I'm not a huge fan of these sorts of conversations on television shows, so I sort of glazed over this part of the episode, but the gist seemed to be that Jon and Beric should try to keep other people alive. I think that's the point of this whole quest to capture a white walker, so mission accomplished there.
Next, we pop down to Dragonstone, where Dany compliments Tyrion on not being a hero (Jon is going to "be a hero" later in this episode, and it's not going to work out well for him). Tyrion is a little offended, but I agree with Dany on this one. It's better to live to fight another day than to die stupidly (Dickon Tarly was not avalible to comment).
Tyrion also asks Dany if she likes Jon (you know, like likes him *wink*). Dany replies that Jon is "to little" for her. Like, what???!! This is one of the least sensical lines in the show for a while. First of all, it's an insensitive thing to say to Tyrion (which she seems to realize), and, secondly, I'm not even sure what she means in regards to Jon. Is she saying he's too "little" mentally or emotionally? As in, Jon Snow is small minded. Or, is she saying he isn't powerful enough for her? That doesn't make much sense, as he's KING IN THE NORTH! She could also be saying that he's too short, which, again, is not really true. Kit Harington is 5' 8", according to Google, so he's 6 inches taller than Daenerys (AKA Emilia Clarke). He's not the tallest man on Earth (or whatever planet Westros is on), but he's not short, especially compared to Dany. Anyway, it's all clearly a lie because she's obviously super into him. How could you not be?
I'm going to go out on a limb and declare the next scene the best thing I've seen on television in a long time: ZOMBIE. POLAR. BEAR. If I was a cooler person, I would respond to this scene with the following phrase: Yas Kween! I didn't know I needed a zombie polar bear. I didn't know I wanted a zombie polar bear, but the minute I saw that rotting member of the ursidae family tear into Thoros' flesh, I knew that all was right with the world. Don't let anyone tell you differently, that was a fantastic scene.
Next we return to Winterfell, where Sansa and Littlefinger have a quick exchange about what to do about Arya. Spoiler: their conclusion is "not much." Of course, Littlefinger acts like he has no idea where the letter came from. No one (including Sansa, hopefully) is believing his innocent act anymore than the Hound believes Thoros' man bun.
Next, we're back beyond the wall, and there's finally some action going on! Jon and his merry men conveniently stumble upon a small group of wights and a White Walker. Jon kills the White Walker (snaps for Jon), which causes all the wights except one to *die* again. They quickly tie up this wight, but, in a totally foreseeable turn of events, the rest of the Army of the Dead is right around the corner, and they have to make a dash for it. Raise your hand if you saw that coming. #OneOfTheProblemsIHaveWithThisEpisode.
Anyway, Jon has the foresight to send Gendry ahead with a message for Daenerys. Of course, in real life, this message shouldn't reach Daenerys in time, but, remember that time means nothing on this show anymore, and let it go.
Jon and his crew end up trapped on a tiny island in the middle of a frozen lake surrounded by zombies on all sides. The zombies have the advantage in this situation. They can either wait for the ice to freeze enough to support their weight and then tear Jon and Co. limb from limb, or they can just wait for them to freeze to death and join the army. So, all in all, it's a win win for team dead.
Next, back in Winterfell Sansa sends Brienne to some mysterious meeting in King's Landing that Sansa has been invited to. Persumably, this is the meeting during which Jon and Dany are going to present their captive wight. But, in reality, this is just a way for the show runners to write some more scenes between Brienne and Jaime. #IShipThemSoHard
Somehow, Gendry's note has already reached Dragonstone because, in the next scene, we see Dany hoping on board Drogon in some winter inspired couture. The main point of this scene is to show off how fierce Dany looks (she and Sansa should launch a fashion line together). Oh yeah, and time still has no meaning on this show. Whatever.
Now, we get to the really big scene of the show, which, as it happens, is not the really big scene of the show. The Hound--very stupidly--throws a rock across the ice at the wights. This indadvertedly demonstrates that the ice is hard enough to walk on (oops), so the wights precede to attack. We are treated to an epic battle scene, which all of the main characters somehow survive (in a very unconvincing manner, I might add).
All seems to be lost, and the sad music is playing when, all of the sudden, who should arrive but Dany on Drogon's back. Score 1 for Team Targaryen, 0 for the White Walkers. Now, all should be unicorns and rainbows at this point, and our heroes should all sail away on the back of a dragon with smiles in their hearts and a captive wight on a dragon spike. However, Jon Snow decides to be a hero and ruins everything.
For some inexplicable reason, Jon chooses to move further and further away from the dragon that is going to save his life, in order to not kill like four more wights. Okay...because that makes sense. Ostensibly, he's showing off to Daenerys that he can handle his sword, but really he's just demonstrating that--as much as we all love Jon Snow--thinking isn't always his strong point. Jon's delay tactics give the White Walkers pleanty of time to kill one of Daenerys' dragons. That's right, Viserion is dead. I know that a lot of people predicted that something like this was going to happen, but that didn't prepare me for it. My reaction was more or less like this guy's.
In another fit of stupidity, Jon tells Daenerys to leave him to die. (You're the King in the North, why do you have no conception of your responsibilities!!). Anyway, in Jaime-esque fashion, Jon goes into the water, presumably dead (but, of course, he can't be dead because he's JON SNOW, c'mon).
Meanwhile, back in Winterfell, Sansa discovers Arya's incredibly creepy bag of faces. I'm not about this life, fam. This scene between Arya and Sansa made me so anxious I could barely watch it. I was convinced that this was the end for Sansa. I was sure that Arya was going to take her face, but, fortunately, the Lady of Winterfell will live to rule another day. Again, I'm sick of the creepiness in this plot. I just can't anymore. Can Sansa and Arya just band together and kill Littlefinger and call it a day?
Okay. We've finally reached the best and most important scene in the episode (besides the zombie polar bear, you all know how I felt about that): the sweetest, most heart-melting scene ever between Jon and Daenerys.
There was handholding. There was crying (side note, I think this is the first time we've ever seen Dany cry; the fact that she lets herself cry in front of Jon really says something). There was shirtless Kit Harington, which is too much of a rarity on this show. I mean, c'mon show runners, have you seen his abs? Why aren't Kit Harington's abs the star of every episode. Jon huskily whispers Daenerys' childhood nickname (which she isn't super jazzed about, but I think it's cute) and *finally* bends the knee and acknowledges her as queen.
I was sure they were going to kiss and get it on, but apparently we're going to have to wait for the finale for all of that. Life isn't fair sometimes.
Anyway, in a scene that everyone who saw the dead dragon go into the lake saw coming, the White Walkers reanimate Viserion's lifeless corpse. (Side note: where did they get the chains? Does anyone know). Anyway, it's starting to look like a fair fight, and I'm 5000% sure that Viserion's ice flames are going to bring down the wall in the next episode, but we're going to have to wait for the season finale to find out.
Valar Dohaeris.
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