Happy Father's Day: The Worst ASOIAF Dads
So, with father's day this weekend, a lot of people are taking to the Internet to share lovely, heart warming stories about their fathers. I think that's great, but those stories can get a little boring after a while. To quote Tolstoy: "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." So, in honor of father's day tomorrow, I thought I would offer a tribute to the most disastrous fathers in the A Song of Ice and Fire universe. This is a big category, so I've narrowed it down to ten:
10. Eddard Stark - Ned is arguably one of the best fathers in the ASIOF universe. He's generally fair and caring, however, he has managed to put his kids in extremely perilous positions. Let's not forget that it was Ned's obsession with honor that caused him to be executed, therefore starting the War of Five Kings, which led to Robb's death. Furthermore, he put Sansa and Arya in a ton of danger by bringing them to King's Landing -- Arya ended up living on the streets of Flea Bottom and Sansa ended up engaged to Joffrey Baratheon for goodness sakes! To be fair, Ned really didn't intend for any of that to happen (although Sansa's engagement to the most psycho man in Westeros is totally on him), but his general stupidity and backwardness caused a world of trouble for his offspring.
9. Jon Arryn - All evidence of Jon Arryn's relationship with his son, Robert Arryn points to a pretty high degree of indifference. Before his death, it seems that he left Robert's care completely to his mother, Lysa. Of course, that was a horrible decision because Lysa is completely crazy. Thanks to Jon Arryn's negligence, Robert is a psychologically scared little weirdo who is obsessed with throwing people out of moon doors and is still breast feeding at the age of eight.
8. Jaime Lannister - Like Jon Arryn, Jaime is more negligent than an actively negative force in his children's lives. Actually, he's a pretty great uncle to his kids -- even Joffrey seems to like him. For the most part, however, he tends to ignore his parental responsibilities and his kids in general. As the books go on, especially after Joffrey's death, he does show that he cares about his children. In the show, he even launches a covert mission to spirit his daughter, Myrcella, out of Dorne. They even have a super cute moment when Myrcella tells him that she's glad he's her father -- oh yeah, and then she's poisoned. Let's just say, he's a better uncle than a father.
7. Robert Baratheon - Robert Baratheon is a less involved version of Jaime Lannister. In fact, Robert is so distant from his children that he wasn't even involved in their conception (in case you were wondering, that was a burn). Even though he doesn't know that he's not Joffrey, Myrcella, and Tommen's father, he generally ignores his children (?) and allows Cersei to raise them (bad call there, Robert). Ironically, his only biological children are bastards, who he also completely ignores. When he is forced to acknowledge his illegitimate children, his only response is to throw money or gifts at them. He's usually too busy hunting boars to be a father (too soon?).
6. Tywin Lannister - Although Tywin seems to love his son Jaime and, to some degree, his daughter, Cersei, he has nothing but disdain and hatred for his son Tyrion. In fact, he almost allows his daughter to execute Tyrion for a crime that he obviously did not commit. The only reason Tyrion lives is that he kills his father first -- happy father's day, Tywin!
5. Balon Greyjoy - We don't see much of Lord Greyjoy in either the books or the show, but whenever he appears he is rude and cruel to his son, Theon and basically horrible (although he seems to have a decent relationship with his daughter, Asha). Furthermore, he makes little attempt to save Theon after he is captured by the Boltons. In the books, it is also noted that he had older sons who died during Balon's futile attempt to make himself a king during Robert's Rebellion -- selfish much?
4. Roose Bolton - Roose Bolton is a horrible person in general so its only logical that he's a terrible father. Exhibit A: he fathered RAMSAY SNOW, the worst psychopath in Westeros. Roose's real problem, however, is that he doesn't really care about anybody or anything. He manipulates Ramsay to achieve his own ends; in the show, Roose openly admits that he raped Ramsay's mother and considered killing Ramsay as an infant (not exactly a Kodak moment). In the books, even when his wife manages to conceive a legitimate child, he casually notes that Ramsay will probably kill the baby. This quote about Roose pretty much sums him up:
2. Stannis Baratheon - Although, in the books, Stannis hasn't done anything too horrible to his daughter, Shireen *yet,* he generally ignores his child and allows his wife, Selyse, to torment her. However, it is the penultimate episode of the fifth season, "A Dance of Dragons," in which he burns Shireen alive because a crazy priestess tells him too, that earns Stannis the number two spot on this list of dads. Gee, I wonder why no one likes Stannis.
1. Craster - This guy rapes his daughters and gives his sons to the White Walkers. Need I say more? You know you have a problem when the White Walkers do a far better job of raising your kids than you do.
Fortunately for the characters in the ASOIAF universe, there are some pretty good mothers around. Happy father's day, everybody!
Valar dohaeris
10. Eddard Stark - Ned is arguably one of the best fathers in the ASIOF universe. He's generally fair and caring, however, he has managed to put his kids in extremely perilous positions. Let's not forget that it was Ned's obsession with honor that caused him to be executed, therefore starting the War of Five Kings, which led to Robb's death. Furthermore, he put Sansa and Arya in a ton of danger by bringing them to King's Landing -- Arya ended up living on the streets of Flea Bottom and Sansa ended up engaged to Joffrey Baratheon for goodness sakes! To be fair, Ned really didn't intend for any of that to happen (although Sansa's engagement to the most psycho man in Westeros is totally on him), but his general stupidity and backwardness caused a world of trouble for his offspring.
9. Jon Arryn - All evidence of Jon Arryn's relationship with his son, Robert Arryn points to a pretty high degree of indifference. Before his death, it seems that he left Robert's care completely to his mother, Lysa. Of course, that was a horrible decision because Lysa is completely crazy. Thanks to Jon Arryn's negligence, Robert is a psychologically scared little weirdo who is obsessed with throwing people out of moon doors and is still breast feeding at the age of eight.
8. Jaime Lannister - Like Jon Arryn, Jaime is more negligent than an actively negative force in his children's lives. Actually, he's a pretty great uncle to his kids -- even Joffrey seems to like him. For the most part, however, he tends to ignore his parental responsibilities and his kids in general. As the books go on, especially after Joffrey's death, he does show that he cares about his children. In the show, he even launches a covert mission to spirit his daughter, Myrcella, out of Dorne. They even have a super cute moment when Myrcella tells him that she's glad he's her father -- oh yeah, and then she's poisoned. Let's just say, he's a better uncle than a father.
7. Robert Baratheon - Robert Baratheon is a less involved version of Jaime Lannister. In fact, Robert is so distant from his children that he wasn't even involved in their conception (in case you were wondering, that was a burn). Even though he doesn't know that he's not Joffrey, Myrcella, and Tommen's father, he generally ignores his children (?) and allows Cersei to raise them (bad call there, Robert). Ironically, his only biological children are bastards, who he also completely ignores. When he is forced to acknowledge his illegitimate children, his only response is to throw money or gifts at them. He's usually too busy hunting boars to be a father (too soon?).
6. Tywin Lannister - Although Tywin seems to love his son Jaime and, to some degree, his daughter, Cersei, he has nothing but disdain and hatred for his son Tyrion. In fact, he almost allows his daughter to execute Tyrion for a crime that he obviously did not commit. The only reason Tyrion lives is that he kills his father first -- happy father's day, Tywin!
5. Balon Greyjoy - We don't see much of Lord Greyjoy in either the books or the show, but whenever he appears he is rude and cruel to his son, Theon and basically horrible (although he seems to have a decent relationship with his daughter, Asha). Furthermore, he makes little attempt to save Theon after he is captured by the Boltons. In the books, it is also noted that he had older sons who died during Balon's futile attempt to make himself a king during Robert's Rebellion -- selfish much?
Did Ned Stark dress you like that? Was it his pleasure to garb you in velvets and silks and make you his own sweet daughter? -- An Insult from Balon to Theon
Roose has no feelings, you see. Those leeches that he loves so well sucked all the passions out of him years ago. He does not love, he does not hate, he does not grieve. This is a game to him, mildly diverting. Some men hunt, some hawk, some tumble dice. Roose plays with men. You and me, these Freys, Lord Manderly, his plump new wife, even his bastard, we are but his playthings. - Barbrey Dustin to Theon Greyjoy3. Randyll Tarly - Basically the only thing we know about Randyll Tarly (father to Samwell Tarly of the Night's Watch) is that he threatened his son with death if he didn't join the Night's Watch. Basically the only thing that speaks well of him is that he warned Sam before murdering him. Needless to say, he's not exactly a stand up guy.
2. Stannis Baratheon - Although, in the books, Stannis hasn't done anything too horrible to his daughter, Shireen *yet,* he generally ignores his child and allows his wife, Selyse, to torment her. However, it is the penultimate episode of the fifth season, "A Dance of Dragons," in which he burns Shireen alive because a crazy priestess tells him too, that earns Stannis the number two spot on this list of dads. Gee, I wonder why no one likes Stannis.
1. Craster - This guy rapes his daughters and gives his sons to the White Walkers. Need I say more? You know you have a problem when the White Walkers do a far better job of raising your kids than you do.
Fortunately for the characters in the ASOIAF universe, there are some pretty good mothers around. Happy father's day, everybody!
Valar dohaeris
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