Bizarro World: Modern Day Game of Thrones

So, the other day I was on Facebook and I saw this article from Entertainment Weekly, in which an artist did drawings of the cast of Game of Thrones in 80s and 90s clothes. Needless to say, I was quite entertained. Anyway, it got me thinking, what sort of lives would the Game of Thrones characters live if they existed in the real, modern world? I think it would be something like Superman's bizarro world. Everything would be the same except their would be Starks and Targaryens walking around and Voldemort would have a nose.  

That is the parallel universe I want to live in. I mean, can you imagine a world where Tyrion Lannister is an actual person? I think he would be either the Secretary of State or the benevolent dictator of a small country.

Modern Day Tyrion

The rest of the Lannister's though...I don't think they would be so successful . Like, being all murderous and bloodthirsty is okay when you live in a medieval world where you're running the show, but I don't think it would work out so well in the real world. I think Jaime would probably be in jail, Joffery would be in juvie, and Cersei would be on Mob Wives (or Mob Sisters, but, you know, same difference). I imagine Tywin would be like the Godfather, he's already got the dialogue down: "don't ever go against the family, Tyrion". Let's face it, the Lannisters are basically their own little, Westeros mafia. Like, modern Jaime even looks like a mobster.

I Like Medieval Cersei Better

Jaime is one of my favorite characters in Game of Thrones, but he wouldn't do so well in the modern world. He doesn't really think things through. He's sort of one of those impale first, think later kind of guys. Probably what would happen is that someone would give Cersei a funny look and he would shoot them in the head. Then he would have to go to jail and Cersei would either start end up on a reality TV show or become a gold digger black/widow hybrid. Even in parallel universes, Cersei is still a terrible person.

Love Mobster Jaime

Stuff happens, right? Anyway, regardless, Joffery would be doing serious time because Joffery is legitimately psycho. Like, if Joffery is considered a little out there in Westeros, in the real world he would be one of those people in jail who has to wear the little mask over their mouth. I would blame it on the inbreeding, but Tommen and Myrcella turned out perfectly normally, so you never know. I think the only person in Game of Thrones who is worse than Joffery may be Ramsey Bolton, which is saying something when you consider that you're talking about a group that includes Walder Frey, the Mountain, and Mad King Aerys.

Not a Good Place to Store a Gun, Joffery

Speaking of crazy, if Daenerys Targaryen existed in the real world, she would either be Lady Gaga or end up in a mental hospital somewhere because she is absolutely CRAZY. Not Joffery kind of crazy either, like, certifiabe. Think about it. Here's a girl who calls herself Mother of Dragons and thinks that fire can't burn her, where does that girl belong? Like, don't get me wrong, Dany is great and I think she's going to be Westeros' salvation, but you can't walk around making plans to conquer cities and calling yourself 'blood of the dragon' in 20th century America. Figures.

Dragon-Ferrets, Super Cute

Also, I'm not sure why the artist choose to replace her dragons as ferrets. Like, what's the closest thing to a dragon that's not a dragon? A ferret, obviously. What? I mean, a cat is closer to a dragon than a ferret. Actually, as I see dragons as a sort of dinosaur, either a crocodile or a chicken would have been the most scientifically accurate choice. I would even have been happy with iguanas. So, essentially, it has been decided that Dany is better off as a crazy ferret lady than a crazy crocodile lady. Wouldn't have been my first choice. Although, for all of that, out of all of these drawings, I think I would be most likely to actually wear the clothes she's wearing. Quite chic.

Grunge Drogo

Drogo on the other hand is in desperate need of Armani. Not to say that the grunge look doesn't suite him, I just think he could clean up a little bit. Though, all and all, I think modern day Drogo would be relatively successful. He's quite pragmatic and has good leadership skills. I could conservatively see him running some sort of street gang that steals satellite dishes for re-sale on the black market. Hey, there's decent money in that. It's always nice to see people making something of themselves.

Obviously, a Vandal

Arya would do pretty well too. She's quite clever and adapts well to new situations. She's also had one of the steepest learning curves of any character in the series. Unfortunately, there's not as much of a need for assassins as there used to be. Of course, she has a lot of other skills. She could get Gendry and Hot Pies together and start pick pocketing people and vandalizing things. She would be quite good at it too.

I Like N*Sync Too, Sansa

I'm really not sure how modern day Sansa would do though. Sansa is so idealistic and naive that life in any age is going to be difficult for her. I grow to like Sansa more and more with each passing book, but she's not the most pragmatic of characters. I feel genuinely bad about all the stuff she's had to go through in the books, but I think she's going to come out of everything okay. Her death wouldn't serve any purpose. Obviously, George R.R. Martin doesn't kill anyone without a reason.

Margery is a Double Agent

I think modern day Sansa would be one of those girls in high school who has a crush on Justin Timberlake, goes to 'Save the Dolphins' rallies, and gets picked on my Joffrey because he's the star of the football team and she refuses to be his cheerleader. In the end, I kind of think she would end up as Taylor Swift. And Joffrey has sure made sure that she has enough material to write the songs. It would be like: "I knew you were trouble when you walked in, 'cause you killed my wolf and my sister beat you up, now you're murdering my entire family! Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble". Or, it would be something like "someday, I'll be queen in the north and all you're ever gonna be is mean. Someday, I'll have a queens' guard, so you can't hit me. And all you're ever gonna be is mean. Why you gotta be so mean? And I can see you years from now at your wedding, choking on some poison, with that same big iron throne, that no one wants to sit on, but all you are is mean!".

Bronn is the King of the World

She's a real folk singer. I think the people of Westeros would really be able to relate to her music. Speaking of Joffery's wedding, Marjory is another person who I think would do really well in real life. I could see her as the PR representative of some company that makes kitty poison or a secret agent, or something else that would utilize her crazy, manipulation skills. That girl could sell US military secrets to the US military! 

Seriously though, with Margery's drive and ambition she could do anything she wanted. But, without a doubt, out of all the Game of Thrones characters, Bronn would definitely be the most successful. I see him as a used car salesman, ripping everyone off and making a fortune without doing anything. Best of all, he would hide all his money in off shore accounts before retiring to live in the Bahamas. Sell sword don't care.

Valar dohaeris