ASOIAF Character Theme Songs

So, the other day I was listening to some 'best of 90s' playlist on YouTube when I'm Too Sexy came on. As soon as I heard it, I was like: "Oh, this is Jaime Lannister's song". While I think this may have had more to do with Prince Charming singing this song on Far Far Away Idol from Shrek 2 then anything else (come on, Prince Charming and Jaime look exactly the same!), I still decided to do a list of Game of Thrones character theme songs.

Because, apparently, that's the sort of person I am.

Arya - Hungry Like the Wolf by Duran Duran:  Arya is on the hunt and she's after you. Well, she's after you if you're on her list, which is getting longer every day. She's got a needle and she's not afraid to use it. 

Robert Baratheon - Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin and Sorry for Party Rocking by LMFAO: Robert is one of many characters who really needs two songs because he changes so much. Before the series starts, Robert is this big, strong warrior guy with a war hammer, very Viking-esque. Hence, "The hammer of the gods will drive our ships to new lands /To fight the horde, singing and crying /Valhalla, I am coming!". Of course that's not the Robert we meet in A Game of Thrones; the new Robert is a bit of an alcoholic womanizer (okay, a bit is a severe understatement), which equals Sorry for Party Rocking. Except, I'm pretty sure Robert's not sorry at all; it's more like a 'sorry I'm not sorry' sort of thing. "If you show up already tore up this is what you say /Sorry for party rocking /And if you blacked out with your sack out this is what you say /Sorry for party rocking/ And if you throw up in ya hoe's cup this is what you say/ Sorry for party rocking", yeah, that sounds like Robert.

Jaime - I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred, Scotty Doesn't Know by Lustra, and Me and My Broken Heart by Rixton: Jaime Lannister is beautiful, arrogant, conceited, and somehow, every body's favorite character; basically, he's too sexy for Westeros - and he probably knows it too. He's also a big fan of twincest and adultery; which is why I also gave him Scotty Doesn't Know as a theme song. Except, in this case, Scotty is Robert Baratheon, Fiona and the singer are twins, and the fate of the kingdom hangs in the balance. Yup, that's why everyone loves Jaime. I mean, his character arc has been...complex, to say the least. He's probably the only character in the history of literature that can push a little boy out of a window and still be a sympathetic figure. We see a Jaime's softer side in his (albeit weird) fidelity to Cersei and his gallant rescue of Brienne, hence Me and My Broken Heart. "I need a little loving tonight/Hold me so I'm not falling apart/A little but I'm hoping it might kick start/Me and my broken heart"; poor Jaime, Cersei's betrayal cut deep, and even Lannisters need love.

Jon Snow - Creep by Radiohead and Back in Black by AC/DC: Jon Snow is the most emo. I like Jon Snow, but seriously, why does he have to be such a mopey zoo lion? Which is why I gave him my favorite I-hate-myself song, Creep. "But I'm a creep/I'm a weirdo/ What the hell am I doing here?/I don't belong here", who does that remind you of? Could it be Jon Snow? No, surely not, he just sits around complaining about being illegitimate and hated by his sort of step mother. Also, he wears a lot of black. Which is why his second theme song is Back in Black; it's doubly funny because he's also in the Night's Watch.

Lyanna Stark - Bad Reputation by Joan Jett: So Lyanna isn't technically an A Song of Ice and Fire character, but she's still important to the story. Personally, I'm of the opinion that she eloped with Rhaegar voluntarily. I feel like that's the sort of girl Lyanna was; Ned describes her as "willful". She definitely wasn't about to marry someone she didn't love, like womanizing Robert Baratheon. Which is why she ran off with Rhaegar. "I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation/You're living in the past, it's a new generation/ A girl can do what she wants to do and that's what I'm gonna do"; Lyanna definitely did what she wanted to do, no matter the consequences.

Sansa Stark - Love Story and Trouble by Taylor Swift: Sansa Stark is basically the Taylor Swift of  her generation. When we first meet her, she's all like "oh, I love Joffrey; he's perfect and beautiful and would never kill my father and stick is head on a spike". She might as well be singing, "my daddy said, 'Stay away from Juliet.'/But you were everything to me,/I was begging you, "Please don't go."/And I said.../Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.../You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess./It's a love story, baby, just say, 'Yes.'" Those lyrics actually work pretty well because Joffrey was actually a prince; the only problems were that it wasn't a love story and Romeo turned out to be a psychopath. Anyway, Sansa caught on pretty quickly, and then she was all like "Joffrey is 'trouble, trouble, trouble', he murdered my entire family 'I knew he was trouble when he came in'". Oh well, stuff happens.

Cersei - Bitch by Meredith Brooks and Diva by Beyonce: Cersei thinks she's a diva. She wants to be a diva. Actually, what she really wants is to be the male version of Cersei, which turns out to be Jaime (paging Dr. Freud...). Cersei goes around saying "I'm a diva", but what she's really saying is "I want to be a hustler". Unfortunately, Cersei is neither. Cersei is "I'm a bitch, I'm a lover/
I'm a child, I'm a mother/I'm a sinner, I'm a saint", actually, she's everything but that last one.

Littlefinger - Every Breath You Take by the Police: Littlefinger will be watching you. This works on two levels because Lord Baelish has a bunch of spies and he also likes to stare at Sansa a lot. It's vaguely creepy (actually, it's very creepy since she's like 13 and he's like 30), hence a vaguely creepy song. 

Joffrey Baratheon/Lannister - Psycho Killer by the Talking Heads: This is pretty self explanatory, Joffrey is a psycho and he likes to kill people. Therefore, he's a psycho killer. Glad we got that cleared up.

Daenerys Targaryen - Run the World (Girls) by Beyonce: Who runs the world? Daenerys Targaryen, or, at least, she will. Every time you turn around, Dany has taken over a new city, it's only a matter of time before she takes over Westeros. #GirlPower

Dany's Dragons - Disco Inferno by The Trammps: Technically, I'm only giving theme songs to human characters, but if Dany's dragons had a theme song, it would be Disco Inferno, because they want everything to burn, baby, burn.

Daario Naharis - Rock Your Body by Justin Timberlake: It's pretty simple, Daario just wants to rock Dany's body (and he's not shy about it either). Also, I had to get a Justin Timberlake reference in here somewhere.

Jorah Mormont - You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift: Ser Jorah is in the permanent friend zone. Seriously, his whole goal in the books is to get into Dany's pants. Basically he's just like, "Dany: I'm the one who understands you. Why can't you see? you belong with me". #HouseFriendZone

Melisandre - Black Magic Woman by Santana: Melisandre is literally a black magic woman; you know, since she's a real live witch. Actually, she's probably more of a red magic woman.

Ilyn Payne - Another One Bites the Dust by Queen: It's funny because he executes people.

Theon Greyjoy - Chop Me Up by Justin Timberlake: Thanks to Ramsay, Theon literally gets chopped up. Or, at least he gets himself flayed, which is sort of the same thing.

Brienne - Ain't No Mountain High Enough by Marvin Gaye: There's nothing that's going to stop Brienne in her quest to save the Stark girls. From Kingslayers to zombies, Brienne is committed to her oath and nothing is going to get in her way.

Ramsay Snow - Kim by Eminem: It's pretty simple, the most disturbing song I know for the most disturbing person in the books. Also, Ramsay has some...er...problems with women, specifically with hunting them with vicious dogs for fun.

Tyrion Lannister - Gold Digger by Kanye West: Poor Tyrion, he needs love too. Too bad everyone's just after his gold, even Shae. I guess that's one of the down sides of being a fabulously wealthy Lannister who always pays his debts (for everyone else, there's MasterCard).

Varys - 99 Problems by Jay Z: Varys probably has more than 99  problems: world domination, baldness, kings that are also psychopaths, etc. but women aren't one (mostly because he's a eunuch, but also because he can kill basically anyone he wants - that's handy).

Margaery - Hard Out Here by Lily Allen: Margaery has it tough. She's on husband number three and she's still not queen. Never mind that she was held captive by High Septons, accused of adultery, her first husband was homosexual and in love with her brother, and she had to pretend to be in love with Joffrey (and it turns out all her good work was for nothing anyway). It's hard out here for Margaery Tyrell.

Stannis - Hard Knock Life by Jay Z and Fire by Jimi Hendrix: Stannis is that guy who everyone hates and no one has a reason to dislike. He does everything right, but no one ever seems to notice or care. Instead, he's stuck on Dragonstone with a bunch of gloomy people, his insane wife, and diseased daughter. Plus, no one seems to remember that he's the rightful king. Yeah, he's got a hard knock life (but I think he likes it; no one enjoys gloom as much as Stannis). Fortunately, the fire god is on his side...sometimes. Unfortunately, he has developed the unfortunate tendency to burn people alive. We're still waiting to see how that one turns out.

Robb Stark - F***ing Problems by ASAP Rocky: Poor Robb, he has so many problems (foremost among them the fact that he's dead - that usually casts a damper on things). Besides that, he's also balancing a war, lots of family drama, and one serious blood grudge. He also had the misfortune of picking the wrong wife ( "I love bad b****es, that's my f***ing problem") and attending the wrong wedding, so yeah, you could say that Robb has some problems.

Sandor Clegane - Hound Dog by Elvis: It's funny because people call him The Hound. Get it? He ain't nothing but a hound dog.

Tywin Lannister - I Want It All by Queen: Tywin Lannister wants his family to be rich, powerful, and respected for perpetuity. Too bad that all they have going for them is money and a fading grasp on power. It's hard to respect a family when they have people like Joffrey and Cersei as their spokespeople.

Shae - You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi: Let's be honest here, Shae does give love a bad name (P.S. if you only watch the show, the Tyrion/Shae situation is a little different in the books). I mean, after she betrayed Tyrion (who only tried to help her and keep her safe), she hooked up with his dad. That's just adding insult to injury.

Loras - Sexy and I Know It by LMFAO: The Knight of the Flowers has got every girl (and some guys) in the Seven Kingdoms swooning over him, and he knows it. He's like a younger, less murderous version of Jaime Lannister (minus the twincest).

Lysa Arryn - Disturbia by Rihanna: Let's be real here, Lysa Arryn is pretty disturbed. Aside from being completely paranoid that the Lannisters are plotting against her (let's be honest, that's probably a valid concern), she's also creepily possessive of Littlefinger, and weirdly obsessed with Sansa's sex life. Not to mention that I'm 99% sure she's bipolar. That's not the sort of person you want to have access to a Moon Door.

Oberyn Martell - What Goes Around...Comes Around by Justin Timberlake: The Red Viper is all about revenge. The Lannisters killed his sister Elia and her children, and now he wants them to get theirs. Unfortunately, he was brutally murdered by the Mountain before he got the chance. But if he had lived...the Lannisters would have gone down. What a pity. #JusticeForElia

Valar dohaeris